Friends of Dave #111: Stuck In a Rut
Sometimes we can empathize with the upside down turtle....
You know when you talk to someone you have known for a long time and can tell something is amiss? They just seem off and you can't put your finger on it? I had that happen to me this week.
So, being the radically candid person that I am, I called them on it. And after a few attempts to try to deflect the conversation, they finally admitted, "Yeah, I guess I'm just kinda frustrated.....kinda like a turtle on it's back."
It was a great analogy and helped me empathize with how they were feeling. We've all been there at one time or another (we've even talked about losing your mojo here in this space before as well). And when you see someone else flailing away (particularly someone close to you), it can be hard to watch. It's also tricky to know where the boundaries are in terms of helping them get themselves out of their rut.
Here's some advice I offered my friend as a way to try to get themselves out of their rut:
Write down the 3 things that are causing the most anxiety or stress for you right now.
Write down the 3 things that are making you the most happy, can give you an easy win, or will make you feel good about yourself right now (sparking joy, if you will).
Write down an outlet or activity that you already like to do or can easily begin to do that will help stimulate you intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and physically (one activity for each -- and they may or may not overlap with the 3 things that make you happy). This could be activities like reading, spending time with family, meditating or going for a run.
Make a conscious effort to optimize your time in the near term (as much as possible) to maximize focus on the 3 good things and engaging in the stimulating activities and de-emphasize time spent on the 3 things that are creating the most stress.
Seems too simple or too good to be true, right? But it's not. Whether it is in our personal lives or our professional lives, what generally happens when we get into a funk is we allow ourselves to get consumed by whatever is negative. We stop thinking about what is positive. That inhibits our ability to confidently get ourselves out of the tailspin.
By taking a moment to identify and acknowledge the things that are causing us the most frustration, the things that make us most happy about ourselves, and the activities we do that can achieve balance, we can start to put together a blueprint to get ourselves back on track.
The hardest thing is the final step -- putting an action plan together. How do we realistically optimize our time to focus on the good stuff when we still have to deal with the bad stuff?
First, we have to embrace the concept of "radical acceptance" -- essentially a fancy way of saying our situation "is what it is." Understand that the things that are creating frustration or anxiety are there and they are not magically going away (and be happy that at least we have identified them!). Next, we consciously (and in many cases, literally) re-structure our time to balance out our focus on getting out of our rut with doing things that make us feel good or centered. This doesn't mean we completely ignore the difficult things altogether -- it just means we allow ourselves to be re-directed so whatever is causing anxiety or stress is not all consuming. The activities that we do that bring us happiness or make us feel good about ourselves boost our confidence and allow us to believe that we can handle the hard stuff.
Finally, and this may be the most important, we have to give ourselves permission to do this and hold ourselves accountable. Just as a turtle on its back will not flip over by just moving its legs real fast, we will not get ourselves out of a rut without altering our approach. This means taking conscious steps to changing things up -- at least for a short period of time. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but sticking to a balanced action plan helps us get out of our heads, minimize the effects of our anxiety and back on the track of success.
What do you think? I hope you find this helpful (if not today, then maybe when you may need it). It was inspired, in part, but two posts this week on routines and optimism from VC Fred Wilson. I read his blog almost daily -- it is so well written and easy to digest, I highly recommend checking it out.
I know this was a long intro, but there are still some great articles below if you have more time. If you are looking for something both entertaining and educational, skip to the Last Word article about the NYC porta-potty industry. You will not be disappointed.
Have a good one!
XOXO
Dave
One to Get You Thinking...
Embrace Your Losses — They Will Make You Stronger
This great post by VC Mark Suster popped up in my Twitter feed this week and I thought I would pass along in the wake of the "Love Winning or Hate Losing?" preamble from a few weeks back. If you liked that you will appreciate this.
3 For Your Day Job...
In a New Era for Boards, Culture Is Key
Amid growing scrutiny on board performance and diversity, a great look at the types of board culture styles and the questions boards should ask when changing their cultures.
Why You Should Embrace Your Impostor Syndrome
If you feel a little insecure, you’re more aware of your own weaknesses and therefore better equipped to change them.
I'm pretty sure I have posted other stories about imposter syndrome here, and this one does not disappoint. It's a real thing that many successful people (particularly successful women) feel.
Why you should teach your sales and executive teams to write
Most people suck at writing because most people aren’t taught to write.
Funny -- I had already bookmarked this for inclusion in this week's edition when I received a poorly written and executed sales email in my Inbox. Let me tell you, you might not remember every one of these that you get, but you definitely notice the bad ones. This article takes an in-depth look at how to teach salespeople and business leaders to write good......see what I did there?
And Your Random Selections...
Andy Warhol: 67% of people think he is alive or a fictional character
Following the airing of the Andy Warhol/Burger King Super Bowl Ad, 43% of survey responders thought Andy Warhol was still alive.....24% thought he was a fictional character.....really interesting insights from Friend of Dave Tom Burg.
Man Is Suing His Parents For Giving Birth To Him Without Consent
Related: Mom countersuing, citing "PTSD from stretch marks and years of having to watch Teletubbies."
How a 19th-century doctor saved New York...by planting trees
Little known, uncorroborated fact: a competing plan was hatched to train rats to eat discarded food that was left in the streets in case this didn't work....
How Finland's Orange-Handled Scissors Inspired a Design Revolution
And, apparently, it inspired a Beatles song....
And The Last Word....
The Porta-Potty King of New York City Faces a Threat to His Throne — nymag.com
Portable toilets are a lagging economic indicator. In a recession, housing starts drop, but projects under construction are typically finished. Porta-potties stay on site until the bitter end.
From the subheading to the pictures, there is so much good stuff in this one, Friends, I honestly cannot wait to get your emails and texts....It's a little long, and he is not quite the sausage king of Chicago, but read it....trust me.....