Friends of Dave #148: Hugs and Kisses

Making a connection goes a long way....with Friends, kids and coworkers.

A little while ago I got a text out of the blue from my college roommate, best man in my wedding and, most importantly, Friend of Dave Bob Baltimore. He happened to be in town on business and wanted to connect to see if I had time to grab an impromptu dinner. It had been a while since we had seen each other, so it was a nice excuse to get together.

I should take a moment to mention that Bob has truly shocked and surprised us all with how well he has done for himself since college: he has a great wife, great kids and a successful career in private equity.....What an amazing turnaround from the guy we all knew back in the day......but I very playfully digress with tongue firmly in cheek....

Bob and I caught up on the usual things -- family, work, etc. -- and then the topic came around to the FoD newsletter. I've always valued his input on things, so I asked for his feedback on it. The first thing he said (in his decidedly investment banker like tone, I might add) was "What's up with the 'XOXO' thing?"

I had to laugh. As some of you may have noticed, I sign off every preamble with 'XOXO'. The origin here is simple: I never set out to make this newsletter another super serious inhabitant of your inbox, and I wanted to have a little light hearted signoff as a way to connect with people. Also, I have always admired the CB Insights newsletter, and how Anand Sanwal ends each one with the quirky "I love you." So, basically, I ripped him off.

But for me, it has taken on a bit more meaning in other ways. Earlier in my career, I never really thought about the importance of making emotional connections, particularly with the people that reported to me in business. The most important thing for me was having a laser focus on producing results. Did you close the deal? Did you deliver what you said you were going to deliver? Did you do everything you were expected to do? Perhaps it was old school, but I was transactional in my approach. I just felt that there was not a lot of room for the "mushy stuff." I operated that way myself, and if you worked for me, you were expected to be that way too.

Then I had kids....And over the course of my 20+ years raising them, there has been an evolution in my approach. For me, one key learning (casting aside my intense hatred for the cartoon Caillou, Chuck E. Cheese birthday parties and teenagers with cell phones) is that often the path to a desired result is not linear. With kids and their development (as with the people on the teams you may manage), there are a lot of outside factors that impact them. There can be many steps forward along the way, a few steps backward, and occasional idling.

While you may have a picture in your mind for what you want them to achieve or how you want something to be, they may not always take a direct route to attain their success. And, whether it be as a parent or a manager, if you press too hard on them to achieve a particular result in a certain way without also taking into account the emotional part, it can sometimes backfire.

So I began to make empathy and emotional connection a bigger priority -- as a parent, a manager, a friend and a human being. I am finding that understanding the "mushy stuff" that goes along with people allows me to make stronger connections, be more patient, provide more effective guidance and adapt better when encountering turbulence along the way. I have experienced first hand that showing vulnerability and emotional intelligence is a huge part of leading teams to even better results....and I have also learned it is what makes you a more connected parent as well.

Therefore, I see the 'XOXO' at the end of each intro as serving a primary purpose -- to re-connect me with you in a small, but meaningful, way. It tells you that I appreciate you and the joy I get in writing the preambles and curating the stories with your particular interests in mind. And hopefully, in turn, it gets you to continue to open this email and get some sort of value from it each week. In the end, we both win.

I'll leave you with one last thing: I hope this intro gives you incentive to remember that not everything is transactional. Seek out those "hugs and kisses" moments to regularly (and authentically) connect with your teams, whoever they may be in your life -- especially if it does not come naturally to you. You will see the results immediately...I guarantee it or your money back!

The articles this week are, again, mostly quick ones. While they are all good, highly recommend the Last Word about emoji governance -- this is an example of me picking one with a number of you specifically in mind....enjoy this last weekend before the holiday commercials start!

XOXO

Dave

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Think on These...

Do we possess our possessions or do they possess us?

Our property signals who we are to others and reminds us who we are to ourselves: our things are part of our identity.

Were people really happier in the past? Millions of pieces of text suggest not.

The low point of happiness in the US was around the time of the Fall of Saigon in 1975, while for the UK it was the Winter of Discontent of 1978-79, when there were widespread public sector strikes.  

Ever wondered whether people were happier in the past? Quick roundup on this -- some good supporting links as well.

A Bunch For Your Day Job...

The new workwear: has the suit finally died?

Hardly anyone wears a suit to work now. How did we all get so scruffy?

Here's How You Differentiate Yourself in a Crowded Market

If there is a business opportunity in offering a product or service, there are probably people doing it already. But their being first doesn't prevent you from being better. A bit of an extension to my LinkedIn post earlier this week.

3 Concepts Defining the Future of Work: Data, Decentralization and Automation

Good, high level look at the future of work and how it will revolve around three concepts that will radically change leadership, culture, privacy and security. Easy to digest read -- natural companion to the next story as well.

Data — from objects to assets

Data are cultural artifacts whose significance is clear only once their provenance — and subsequent processing — is known.

How did data get so big? This is a longer, somewhat more clinical read, but it highlights how data collection has become so important through political, social and economic interests. If you are interested in all things data, read this!

Your Weekly Dose of Randomness...

A farmer in Tennessee grew a 910-pound pumpkin and then carved it into a boat

I cannot confirm whether or not he was wearing a Halloween themed pashmina afghan....

Kurt Cobain's 'Unplugged' Sweater: Auction May Hit $300,000

Something tells me it smells more like grunge, angst and midlife crisis....

This $555 drink machine is the Juicero for water

Next thing you know, we will be paying for air....wait, already happening?

And The Last Word....

The Shadowy Consortium That Controls Emoji — newrepublic.com

The most litigated emoji is the plain ol’ smiley, followed by the winky and sad faces. 

So you think it's super cute that we have poo emojis and LOL emojis? Little did you know that, by widely adopting them into social vernacular, society is actually ceding to corporations the building blocks of speech—and thought—itself....trust me, this may be the most weirdly fascinating thing you read all weekend, Friends.