Friends of Dave #217: free grape nuts
Are you willing to be open minded?
I know I've been telling a lot of stories about my kids lately. Bear with me, I have another one...
A few weeks ago I was having an interesting discussion with my oldest son about how he was going about juggling his priorities.
He shared that he was getting "super stressed" out because he "had a lot going on" and was really anxious that it wasn't "giving me enough free time to take selfies so I can increase my followers." Or something like that....
"You don't understand the pressure, Dad."
By the way, this is the kid whose superpower has always been that he is capable of turning into a complete a**hole when he gets stressed out.
For example, when he was about four years old and was told he couldn't go into his favorite toy store for the umpteenth time, this son decided to kick off his shoes, throw them into the street and loudly declare:
"I want to go back to Jesus Christ!"
I'm sorry, but how do you not stand there and laugh your a$$ off at the absurdity of that?
I know, I know, you are probably thinking I should have had some empathy and recognized that what he really wanted to say was "you don't understand the pressure, Dad.....but Jesus Christ probably does."
Anyway....now, over 15 years later, remembering the vision of that shoeless little boy, arms stretched to the heavens, crying out for his Matchbox Car Messiah, I kept repeating to myself "Don't laugh...You can do better."
As tried to calm him, I found myself falling into the trap I always seem to fall into: I tried to fix the situation by offering potential solutions to his quandary.
And with each suggestion, the bullsh!t and a^^holery increased. He was not listening to anything I was saying and was convinced I did not know how he felt.
That is when I paused and calmly asked:
"Are you willing to be open minded?"
Whether it is in sales, working with or managing others or dealing with a stressed out young adult (or perhaps all of the above), this basic question can be a simple yet effective way to try to break through an impasse.
First, note it is a question and not a suggestion. It stops the pattern of dissent and creates a break in the volleying of potential solutions and subsequent rejections. It effectively hits the reset button on the conversation.
Also, it is non-confrontational. By asking the question you are not saying the other person is wrong in their approach -- it can be validating while also offering another potential option without forcing it upon them.
It does create a "choose your own adventure" moment for the person who is asked the question however.
Interestingly, this can sometimes cause the other person to try to continue the debate -- ignoring the question altogether and rehashing past options put on the table, reiterating why they won't work.
"Are you willing to be open minded?"
So now they have to choose -- "yes" or "no." If they answer "no" to the question (or refuse to answer), the discussion is effectively over. Someone who indicates they are unwilling to be open minded is committed to their position. They cannot be sold nor accept reasonable alternatives no matter how well they are presented. Game over.
But if they say "yes," they are indicating that they choosing to explore and consider other options that they may yet not see nor understand. Now the conversation can continue in a new, constructive direction.
People having a willingness to be open minded is the only way for things to progress. It is critical in any situation where you are seeking alignment. Most importantly, being willing to be open minded is an invaluable problem solving skill.
I am pleased to report that my son didn't throw his shoes in the street this time. After a bit of thrashing he ultimately indicated that in fact he was willing to be open minded. And the conversation continued in a positive direction.
Whatever we discussed must have helped, because the anxiety he was experiencing soon lifted, we talked about some strategies he could use to better manage his time, and the selfies quickly returned to his various social media feeds. I honestly don't get it...
But I guess I am willing to be open minded.
Long weekend for many of you -- enjoy it and have a great Valentine's Day this Sunday. And share a story or two below with a loved one if you can!
XOXO
Dave
Think on This...
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For Your Day Job...
The Science of Changing Someone's Mind Don’t try to change someone else’s mind. Instead, help them find their own motivation to change.
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As many of you know, from time to time I share articles here from VC Fred Wilson. This week he published a list of his most read blog posts of all time. Sharing as there are some good ones there -- worth clicking through.
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If done well, the 9-word email works like magic. There are always potential customers among your stale leads. The strategy is a quick path to re-engagement. Quick one and very much worth it.
Your Weekly Dose of Randomness...
Global Stars: The Most Innovative Countries, Ranked by Income Group — www.visualcapitalist.com From Switzerland and China to Vietnam and Tanzania — here are the world's most innovative countries, taking income per capita into account.
How to maybe eat free Grape-Nuts for a year now that the horrifying shortage is finally ending — www.fastcompany.com
Friends, there is no need to get bound up by this when you can own the throne.
The Gruesome Story Behind 'This Little Piggy'
HINT: it wasn't about a little pig going shopping.
The family with no fingerprints
Show me a family with no fingerprints and I'll show you a family with really clean windows....
And The Last Word....
The incredible story of the soccer ball that survived the Challenger explosion — www.espn.com
Thirty-five years ago, on Jan. 28, 1986, the space shuttle Challenger broke apart 73 seconds into its flight, and all seven members of the crew were killed. This is the unreal story about a soccer ball that was onboard that day that survived.
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