Friends of Dave #306: why we enjoy fear
I'd Appreciate Your Advice on Something
As I have said here before, one of the best things about doing this weekly newsletter is the level of engagement it affords me with all of you.
Not a week goes by where I don't get an email, text, LinkedIn message, tweet or call from someone in my network about something. It could be a comment on the preamble or article, or prompted by something I reshare on LinkedIn or just a good natured shout out.
I truly appreciate it all, and love hearing from Friends far and wide, even if it may take me a few days for me to reply (depending on the weekend and early week schedule).
So not surprising that I had an impromptu call with a long, long time FoD at the end of this week. Aside from us simply catching up, he had recently introduced me to someone from his network and we were recapping how that call went.
It probably will not surprise the long time readers here and those that know me personally, but I am always game for making a new connection. I enjoy increasing the circumference of my circle, hearing people's backstories, sharing experiences and finding common threads that can bring us together. I've been this way since I was a kid.
This particular interaction was notable because the guy to whom I was being connected had a very similar personality and professional background to me. In many ways it was like I was speaking to a Bizarro version of myself....just further reminder that while we may view ourselves as unique, we are not special.
What was originally supposed to be a quick 30 minute intro call turned into an hour and half conversation. As I explained to my friend during our recap, it was a good connection but an odd experience for me: I had trouble getting a word in edgewise.
Bizarro Dave on the other end of the phone spent most of the call enthusiastically offering his unsolicited opinions and advice on things I was doing in my life and career. He had reviewed my LinkedIn profile, sized me up and had his conclusions. He was determined to fix things I didn't think were broken in the first place.
Ever been in one of these situations?
Yeah, yeah, I know what some of you are thinking right now....believe me it is not lost on me....
But, real talk, despite it being a pleasant discussion and the suggestions all genuinely seeming to come from a good place, it was not how I expected the call to go.
Here I thought we might exchange some pleasantries, offer to make further intros to people in our networks, stay in touch and maybe I'd gain another FoD subscriber out of it. I didn't go in to the conversation thinking I'd be talking to an alternative universe version of myself offering opinions I didn't think I needed to hear. I told my friend that the whole thing felt a bit self serving for Bizarro Dave at the time.
Here's the thing: was it though? Why did it have have to be?
The more I thought about it, the more I saw it differently. It was a good call -- the guy was smart, had some useful insights and just wanted to help someone else out. It was my ego that was reacting negatively to the unsolicited input.
But what if I had approached the interaction with a different mindset? What if I started the conversation with "Hey, I see we have a lot in common. I'd appreciate your advice on something" and presented a question or point of view to garner a reaction (which, by the way, is a lot smoother than being a Goofus and asking to pick someone's brain)?
With that sort of agenda, given the characteristics of the person on the other end, I'm pretty sure the call would have been just as long and the insights I was presented would very likely have been the same.
The big difference would have been how I listened to and synthesized the information. It could have been a far more useful connection to me had I been open minded to the advice from the start.
Most people are wary of their time. They don't want to be pitched things or feel like someone is asking them to go out of their way to do something. But they do usually want to be nice and help others especially if it doesn't take a lot of time or effort. Helping other people makes them feel good.
Having an opinion takes little effort. There is a reason the old saying goes, "opinions are like a**holes -- everyone has one."
So why not tap into that? Why not approach networking differently by making it less transactional and more about seeking someone's advice or input on something?
With that approach, everyone can become more vulnerable and collaborative. The time spent can be a focused discussion that is beneficial to everyone. People aren't asked to do anything except share an opinion -- and in the process they may help someone else out. Who doesn't have a few minutes to do that?
One final thing to think about: for those that have read this preamble all the way through, scroll back to the subheading at the top of the email. Did the request for advice factor at all into what got you to read the whole intro in the first place?
Yes? Looks like you just proved my point....
Passed along some good quick articles this week -- in the spirit of Halloween, I am hopeful you will find them to be more treats than tricks! Cannot believe we are coming down the home stretch for the year and heading in to November, Friends. Enjoy!
XOXO
Dave
Think on This...
Why we enjoy fear: the science of a good scare
The thrill of a frightening film can feel euphoric – and mild horror, say researchers, can also help foster lasting psychological resilience.
For Your Day Job...
Ten Questions CEOs Should Always Be Able to Answer About Their Companies
Dave Kellogg serves up ten essential questions that founder/CEOs should be able to answer clearly, succinctly, and confidently about their companies — along with a few tips on how to best answer them.
EQ Versus IQ: Marketing with Empathy — inspiramarketing.com
If your marketing strategy doesn’t have “IQ” not only in the planning stages but during execution and review as well, you’re flying blind. If IQ tells us there’s a storm ahead, EQ helps us avoid the storm. To put it more positively, IQ tells us we did well and EQ is the reason we did well.
Your Weekly Dose of Randomness...
Visualizing America’s Most Popular Fast Food Chains — www.visualcapitalist.com Here’s a look at the most popular fast food chains in the U.S., based on their number of stores as of 2021.
McDonald's limited-edition adult Happy Meal toys are listed for as much as $300,000 on eBay — www.cnbc.com One opportunistic reseller is asking for $300,000.95 for three unopened toys.
When the Jersey Shore Was the Epicenter for Haunted Attractions — www.atlasobscura.com In the 70s and 80s, beachgoers delighted in low-budget frights.
Candy prices are up 13.1% with Halloween right around the corner — qz.com Consumers will pay more for candy and chocolates as inflation squeezes their wallets
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