One of the things I like most about the Friends of Dave community is the variety of the engaged readers of the newsletter.
Itâs made up of executives, middle managers, individual contributors, consultants, professional investors and stay at home parents. We have old people, young people, rich people, retired people and unemployed people. All from countries all over the world.
It can sometimes make it challenging to write something here that resonates with most people every week, but I like it.
This week, Friends, I have something that I am confident will resonate with every single one of you.
Every. Single. One. GuaranteedâŠ..ready for it?
No matter who you are, where you are from or what you have accomplished in life, we all have had people support us along the way. You know, the coaches, teachers, bosses, mentors and parents who have provided guidance and encouragement at every critical juncture of life.
Think about them for secondâŠ.Think how different your life would be without them.
Makes you feel grateful, right?
Iâll submit that the most accomplished people among us have another, more special element in their sphere of influence.
There is a key type of person (and if they are really lucky it is âpeopleâ plural) that every single one of them share that has been a difference maker in their lives.
That secret weapon is the Shut The F**k Up Person.
What is a Shut the F**k Up Person (STFU Person for short), you may ask?
The STFU Person is the person in your life that can look you in the eye at any time you say something off the wall or you have gone off track and say:
âHey <insert your name here>, just shut THE F**k UP.â
And you listen.
No matter who you are, what you do, how successful you are or the money you have made.
Letâs face it â we all walk around lost in our own heads most of the time. We have random thoughts, feelings, ideas and delusions of grandeur that fill our empty space.
When we start to achieve some success, we can begin believing our own press and think we are better than we are. When we are down, we start to ruminate on negative thoughts that trap us in a dark place.
The vast majority of the people in our daily lives are absolutely no help to us when this happens. Many are enablers at best, and at worst, they really donât give two sh*ts about us because they are more focused on their own lives and their own BS.
We inherently know this and, as a result, condition ourselves to just tune them out.
Thatâs why the STFU Person is so critical.
The STFU Person listens to your BS. Over and over and over.
They let you pontificate.
They let you ruminate.
They stand by you through thick and thin.
They cheer you on when you need cheering. They console you when you need cheering up.
And then, in those moments when you may cross the line and do or say something SO batsh*t crazy or obnoxious or come up with the most ridiculous idea or point of view, the STFU Person shines.
In those moments, the STFU Person will just look you straight in the eye without any hesitation or emotion and say (not always literally, but in their own way):
âHey <insert your name here>, shut the f**k up.â
Now when an average person tells you to âSTFUâ, thems usually fighting words.
You hear that and things will definitely be said, feelings will be hurt, managers are called, someone ends up getting fired, unfriending might or might not occur and in some cases there is even a possibility fists may be thrown.
But when the STFU Person says it?
It makes you stop in your tracks, wake up, and come back to reality.
Sure feathers might get temporarily ruffled, but the STFU Person knows the ârealâ you, not the one everyone thinks is the real you. And, more importantly, you know they know you and how you can be your own worst enemy sometimes.
You trust them and their opinion of you. So you listen.
Think about that for a secondâŠForget what you have done with your life, any titles you may have or how much money you have made up to this point.
Do you have a STFU Person in your life right now? If you donât, youâre not as successful as you think you are.
Not sure? A good STFU Person has the following characteristics:
They are loyal to you as a person first, not what you do for them
They are not afraid to take on and help you deal with your BS even amongst their own
They are willing to appreciate even the craziest of your ideas or thoughts because they are stakeholders in your success
They need to have seen you both at your most vulnerable worst and best
They consistently exhibit radical candor with you and, equally important, with themselves
Now I think many people might want to quickly point to a spouse or partner for this important role, but in some cases that might be a cop out. I donât think that it has to always be that your spouse/partner is your STFU Person. It is possible to also have different or multiple STFU People in your life during different stages.
Regardless, if you want to maximize your potential both personally and professionally, I am convinced you do need at least one person close to you that forces you to stay grounded and show some humility from time to time.
You know, someone that can say âshut the f**k upâ and you wonât get offended. And you listen to them.
Find that person (or people) and hold on tight to them. Be sure to thank them for telling you to STFU every now and then. If they havenât already, I guarantee they will prove to be a difference maker in your life.
Have a good one, Friends!
XOXO
Dave
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