Friends of Dave #380: 🤜 Bruce Lee of Loose Leaf 🤛
How We All Lose When We Take Ourselves Out of Position
Spring is (sort of) here.
Okay, it’s definitely here if you are a parent of a child that participates in seasonal activities.
For our sports obsessed 7th grader, if it involves a ball, a bit of intense competition, some running around, getting sweaty and lots of contact…and oh, and you also get to swing a stick at people too? It must be lacrosse season and hell yes he is all in.
Because I am fortunate to work remote, I am usually around at the same time practices (which are two evenings a week) are happening. This is not something I would have been able to do with our older kids, so I am taking advantage of it and making up for lost time by volunteering as an assistant coach on my son’s town travel team.
While I participated in lacrosse for my final two years of high school, I’m no expert by any means. I just know the basics and have watched and played plenty of field sports to understand how the game should work.
So when it comes down to it, I’m really just a glorified cheerleader, hype man, substitute parent and sideline psychologist for twenty or so 13 year old boys…..honestly, they are a fun group of kids and I really enjoy it.
We do a pretty good job keeping the atmosphere fun, supportive and positive. As a result we keep adding players to the team every year — some refugees from other sports, others just looking for an outdoor activity to keep them active.
This means there are lots of kids with differing levels of skill, talent and abilities on the field at one time. Some kids are just learning the mechanics of the sport for the first time while there are others that have played both town and club lacrosse all year since they were younger.
This past week we prepared the team for their first game of the season. During one game simulating drill I noticed that one of our best and most skilled defenders kept getting caught out of position, leading to several scores by the offense. It was uncharacteristic because this kid was usually pretty solid and dependable — a quiet leader on the team.
As the boys took a quick water break, we were both walking to the sideline at the same time and I asked him what was going on during the drill. What was making him go out of position, even though he knew better?
“Ah, we had one of the new kids on defense with us. I felt bad because he didn’t really know what he was doing, and someone need to do something! I tried to pick up the slack and defend his guy to help out the team.”
Not a surprising response — he knew the right thing to do situationally, but chose to take a different action because he felt it would be better for everyone else if he helped his teammate.
I put my arm around his shoulder and said, “Dude, that’s awesome you were being a leader out there….love it! But what kept happening?”
“Uh….the offense scored a bunch of times?” he sheepishly half answered and half asked.
“Yeah, the offense scored…..Which is what we DON’T want them to do, right?”
“Yep….but the new kid didn’t know what to do, so I thought I should step up and do his job.”
That’s when I looked him in the eye and said, “Yeah, I get it, but the other 10 players on the field are counting on you to do YOUR job…..and the new kid needs to get coached to do HIS job so you can do YOUR job.”
He still looked a little puzzled.
“It’s simple: I guarantee if you focus on doing your job the way you know you are supposed to do it the team will win.”
We all can fall into this trap from time to time — whether we are on a team, a member of a family, or part of a group or organization. There is a systemic problem that needs to be fixed. Sometimes it is obvious to everyone, sometimes it isn’t. The people closest to the problem know there is something wrong but don’t know what to do.
When this happens, some people react by just standing there wringing their hands and wishing the problem would go away. Some think and analyze and think again — getting paralyzed by all of the possibilities. Some complain and point fingers.
And then some people are willing fill the leadership void, be accountable and take responsibility for what they think is “good for the team”….even it means neglecting their own responsibilities in the process.
In each instance, the same outcome is likely: the team does not win.
A few years ago I wrote about, and have since referenced, how in certain times it is best to just keep your head down, mind your business and “stay in your lane, bro.”
I think this is probably a level up from that. Sometimes it is okay to show leadership and take accountability where it is lacking. But you should only do it to a certain point (by the way, it can be difficult to know where this point is) — because if you go too far, there will most likely be a diminishing return on your efforts.
If you find yourself going too far out of position by taking matters into your own hands, you will most likely succeed at one thing — not getting the job done.
And when you don’t focus on doing what you know you are supposed to do, both you and your team will lose.
Back to lacrosse…
So we end the break and get back to doing the drill. I mentioned to our head coach the problem our defender was having and we made sure, when we resumed, that we pointed out to everyone the different roles and responsibilities of the players on defense. We highlighted, in slow motion, how situations would play out and where people needed to be in order for the team to perform as expected.
You could see there were a number of players, some new and some returning, where the light bulb went on as a result of this simple point of emphasis. They had been confused but didn’t want to say anything.
And, lo and behold, the defense shut down the offense the rest of the practice. Our defensive leader played a lot more relaxed and within himself — like a weight was lifted. He stayed positive, made plays and stopped his man from taking another shot for the rest of the night. He did his job the way he was supposed to and yes, his team and his teammates saw the benefit.
As we walked off the field I gave him a big fist bump and told him he did a great job. The smile on his face told me he understood the message.
But, alas, these are 13 year old boys we are talking about…..
Anyone who has spent any amount of time with 13 year old boys knows that these moments can be fleeting and that all bets are off as to whether the lessons we taught will stick come game time…
Especially when things involve a ball, a bit of intense competition, some running around, getting sweaty, lots of contact and swinging a stick at people…..but I guess that’s what makes it all a blast.
XOXO
Dave
And now a few things to make you smarter…
As of 2023, an American household hoping to buy a median-priced home, needs to make at least $100,000 a year. In some cities, they need to make nearly 3–4x that amount.
To look at the trends between median incomes and median house prices through the years, this graphic charts movement using the following datasets data from the Federal Reserve:
Median household income (1984–2022).
Median Sales Price of Houses Sold (1963–2023).
Note both datasets are in current U.S. dollars, meaning they are not adjusted for inflation.
If you really stop and think about it, existence is a pretty simple enterprise. We must breathe, sleep, eat, drink, clothe ourselves, and obtain shelter. That’s it. We tend to overcomplicate things by conflating words like “need” and “want”, “must” and “should.” In this way, a lot of problems in life resemble trying to fit a round peg in a square hole.
“In my head everything rhymes.”
Eminem claims he has a “rhyming disease.” But he won’t remember his rhymes if he doesn’t write them down. And he’ll use any available surface to record them. Mostly, he scrawls his rhymes in tightly bound lists on loose leaf, yellow legal pads, and hotel notepads. Insightful quick read on the art of taking effective notes.
As container ships have grown significantly larger in recent decades to reduce shipping costs and pollution, their size has crept closer to that of bridges and other port structures. Larger ships translate into more potential destruction when things go wrong as well as greater engineering and systems challenges to protect ports from ship strikes and other shipping-related risks.
“What’s still beneath the surface is a full account of how dying actually takes place. Because there’s something happening in there, in the brain, that makes no sense.”
New research into the dying brain suggests the line between life and death may be less distinct than previously thought. Pretty interesting long read if you have the time.