Friends of Dave #403: 🐈⬛ bad luck 😱
What REALLY motivates you? It's more complicated than you think...
Recently had the pleasure of visiting my parents and spending a nice, relaxed afternoon with them — just me and them. No kids, spouse, siblings, family business or holiday drama.
It’s funny how people’s relationships with those who brought them into the world can evolve over time.
When we are children, our parents are our everything. Then we go through puberty and adolescence, and we hate everything about them. Then, at the onset of adulting, kids can gravitate back, looking for answers and guidance as they set out on the world and try to carve out their independence. Getting married brings other personalities and influences into the equation — and once again the parent/child dynamic can change. Sprinkle in grandkids and life changes and everyone getting older and wiser and just stuff…..you get the picture.
For a lot of people, the relationship you have with your parents as adults is like the classic Facebook classification: “It’s complicated.”
Needless to say, I have entered into a phase of my life where I am increasingly grateful that I still have both of my parents around and I live close enough to see them. I know not everyone is so lucky and so when I can seize an opportunity to hang out with them simply as their Son, without also having to be be a Dad myself or a Husband or a Brother or Uncle, I’ll take it.
We had a wide ranging discussion. The usual family updates, picking up open conversation threads from the last time I was there, reminiscing about past family trips, my Dad’s constant frustrations with having to call customer service for random things.
“Dave, by the way, I have been thinking about a great topic for your newsletter,” my Mom declared as she cleared plates from the table after our 4:30pm dinner.
Now, the way this was teed up, it could have easily gone in a lot of directions…..was it about something she saw on the Today show about the election? Was she going to bring up another story about hot flashes or the deli guy at the local grocery store (common theme)? Something she watched on “The YouTube” or a Netflix documentary? Was it about salad dressing?
“Motivation — I’ve been thinking about it….what motivates people?”
Turned out, knowing my Mom, I think she had been doing her own reflection of her life and what motivated her.
She had an interesting upbringing — she was an only child (her father was an only child as well), her mother passed away from cancer when she was 7 or 8 and then her father re-married a few years later and they subsequently moved from Brooklyn to Long Island. She and her stepmother never really got along and she was very close to her paternal grandmother.
In high school, where she met my father, my Mom was into every activity imaginable — yearbook, cheerleading, musical theater, student government. She didn’t just participate — she was the editor in chief, the captain of the squad, played the lead role, was secretary of the student council.
From there, she went on to college, married my Dad, raised three kids and ended up with 8 grandchildren. In all of those endeavors, I can tell you she didn’t just participate — she was drill sargeant, head cheerleader, summer camp director and chief of staff.
So…yeah…lot to unpack there.
But we all have our own unique origin stories. And, as I talked to my Mom and thought about her helpful writing prompt, I came to realize this about motivation:
The things we think that motivate us might not actually be the things that motivate us.
Money, titles, family, achievement — those are all just superficial things we use to justify what we do. They aren’t really the source of our motivation or WHY we are motivated.
I believe we are motivated by how these things ultimately make us FEEL.
It’s not about the title of editor in chief or captain of the cheerleaders or secretary of the student council — it’s about why this role engages a feeling that needs to be fulfilled.
Think about it. Think about the things that you believe motivate you. Now dig deeper, reflect on your own origin story and ask yourself the real question:
What’s the feeling that motivates you?
Once we understand what that feeling (or feelings) is, we can unlock new avenues for our motivations.
Yes, Mom — this was a great topic. Thankful we had the chance to talk about it.
XOXO
Dave
And now a few things to make you smarter…
Million-dollar homes are becoming more common, with the U.S. having 621 cities where a typical home is worth $1 million or more.
This graphic shows the number of cities in each U.S. state where a typical home costs $1 million or more, based on data from Zillow.
About a third of employees in North America feel pressure to suppress their personal values and pretend to go along with the values of their organization. Research suggests that when we experience authenticity—when we feel that we’re living out our personal values and perspectives—we feel a greater sense of well-being.
This year will see Friday the 13th occur twice, with the next one in December. Friday the 13th is known to be a day of bad luck, but how it got its “spooky” reputation dates back centuries, although an exact time frame isn’t clear.
What it takes — and what it means — to save some of the world’s oldest extant grape varieties in a country that barely drinks wine
“It’s that dry tone and that straight tone of the newspaper article — of the kind of AP style of writing, or New York Times style of writing — is what we strive to achieve. Sometimes just deleting an extra little funny word makes the joke that much better because it’s really emulating that style.”
No doubt you have read an article or two from the satirically snarky “news” source The Onion. Here’s an interesting look at how it came to be, and has evolved since its inception in Madison, WI in 1988, just as traditional news sources have had to evolve during that time.