Friends of Dave #421: 🎉 party in the USA? 🇺🇸
The value of just being your best self.
New years always bring new beginnings. And for me, I consistently seem to fill up open slots on my early in the year calendar with opportunities to reconnect with old friends and colleagues.
Had a really good one this week with long time FoD, former neighbor and fellow Boston College alum Christian Eidt. Whether it be at a football tailgate, on social media or over Google Meet, my time spent chatting with Chris is always fun, easy, and wide ranging. We’re both talkers, so our chats could also easily go twice as long as if we let them.
In addition to catching up on work, family and our love/hate relationship with our alma mater’s sports teams, there is always a random topic or two thrown into the banter.
This time, prompted by my short rant here a few weeks ago about holiday cards, we spent some time deconstructing the attributes of what makes a “good holiday card” versus what is unacceptable.
Mutual agreement was reached that doing too much oversharing on family news is generally frowned upon — particularly in the age of social media. Similarly, the drive-by, phone it in, flimsy card with no handwriting or personalization whatsoever is borderline insulting. Extra points awarded to those that emphasize creativity and cleverness in their photo selection or incorporate running themes.
Alas, we could not reach agreement on what age is it most appropriate to stop sending pictures of your kids who have grown and have reached the age where most have left the nest in your holiday card. We concluded with “passes” awarded to the older folks who just send a festive card without any family pic but handwritten well wishes.
Fun discussion which probably ended up taking far too long, but was entertaining nonetheless. Certainly open to your input or thoughts if you have any on the topic, but it was then time for us to shift gears.
We then pivoted and dug into work and how things were going for each of us on that front.
It was then we dove in to this week’s topic:
How important it can be to just be your “best self.”
This is definitely a concept that most people do not think about nearly enough early in their life journey when they go to work.
When we are young, we start out our careers staring at the green field ahead of us and begin to chase.
We chase ambition.
We chase money.
We chase titles.
We chase status.
We chase purpose.
We chase expectations.
We focus our chase on things we believe to be important and we that believe will help define us. We try to give some structure to our paths out on the vast green fields ahead of us.
What ends up happening is that, along the way as we chase and begin to achieve, we often start to embody the persona and traits of someone we “think” we need to be.
We can become someone who holds the title, gets the compensation, lives as the person into whom we are crafting ourselves.
Do you know what I am talking about?
What begins to happen, over time, is that invariably this causes us to stray from our true, authentic, natural selves — if we are not careful we can push aside the person we are most comfortable being.
Sure, we are living, achieving and even seemingly thriving, but it can be limiting, stifling and, yes, even depressing to us while we are doing it.
Then, one day, as we start to look out at the fields in front of us that may be less green than they once were, we begin to assess our journey.
We begin to look at, and review, the things we were chasing — and more importantly, if we are lucky, we begin to see the person we have become as a result of our chase.
How are we doing up to this point?
Did we get what we set out to get?
What was the price we paid for it? How far have we grown?
How far have we strayed from where we started?
Was it all worth it?
We then start to look at what is most important — and this is where Chris and I, now both long into our chase, agreed.
The chase is more fulfilling when you can do it being your “best self” — the best, most authentic version of the person you naturally like to be.
Not who others expect.
Not who you think you need to be to meet expectations.
Not who you aspire to become.
It’s being that person that you just are when no one else is around. When you are most comfortable. When you let your guard down.
Let’s be real, Friends— that person might not be able to do the job you are currently doing or live the life you are currently living. But that person matters — and as you get older, you realize that person has a place in the chase.
So when it comes to work and career, Chris and I agreed that we are both at a point that we put a premium on working at a place, in a culture and with people that allow us to be our “best self.”
Sure, by doing so it may mean that we may not hold the same titles, nor have the same compensation nor be on a trajectory or path that we once were — but we realize that that the trade for the opportunity to chase operating as and being our “best self” holds a lot of meaningful value.
And it makes it all interesting.
But first you have to know who and what your “best self” is. Do you even know or remember who that is?
Think about it. Ask other people. Do some soul searching.
F&ck the chase. F%ck the expectations. F^ck the money, titles and the stuff. You deserve to be your “best self.”
Here’s the thing — in doing so, you may find that there are a whole other set of fields that are more green than you think.
Now you can see why I my early in the year calendar is full of opportunities to reconnect with friends like Chris….if nothing else to make sure my holiday card game stays on point….😜
XOXO
Dave
And now a few things to make you smarter…
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Great article that is part of a series by FoD Sean Carney highlighting strategies and frameworks to help you explore and navigate life’s pivotal transitions. Recommend checking out Sean’s other work and subscribing — always good stuff.
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