Friends of Dave #430: 🐸 jumping 100 times 🚀
What, me (or you) worry?
Friends, thank you.
The outpouring of support I have received from my last month of preambles, commencing with the final chapter last week, has truly been humbling. I can’t begin to express how much gratitude I have for the genuine concern, thoughtful words and positive vibes I have received via phone, text and email from so many of you far and wide.
I have been traveling this entire week, so it has been difficult for me to respond to each note I have gotten — please bear with me as I attempt to respond to each in kind.
That all said, rest assured, my family and I are doing fine as we adjust to the new norm. We are certainly not the first to lose a loved one (many of you I am sure have had to deal with the passing of a parent or parent figure at some point) — and we will not be the last. It is my hope that by sharing my experience the way I did may help others cope with their own difficult situations whenever they occur.
Interestingly, one of my stops on my travels this past week was to visit my mother for a few days. She’s hanging in there — soldiering on one day at a time and trying to find some time to heal.
Her biggest concern at the moment: she doesn’t want anyone to worry about her.
What I told her in response? “I’m not worried about you at all, Mom.”
It might sound cold or callous, but it is the complete truth.
Think about it. We tend to throw that word around pretty judiciously — but why do we “worry” anyway? And what is the value in doing so?
I actually wrote here a few years ago a little about "what” makes people worry (ironically, right before a Super Bowl), but haven’t dug too much in to the “why.”
When you pause for a few beats, worrying is just an offshoot of fear — a way for us to conjure up circumstances outside of our or other people’s control that could result in an undesired outcome or perceived danger.
But, like fear, the things we worry about usually are unknown and do not actually exist. We then ruminate about all that could happen — not necessarily what IS happening.
What’s the value in doing this?
It’s not like worrying is going to allow you to gain any more control that you have — in fact, it is probably going to increase your levels of anxiety and get you more distracted from what is happening in the present.
Aside from possibly some intense handwringing, I believe burning time worrying really accomplishes nothing.
Now, I’m not advocating for putting one’s head in the sand and blissfully ignoring potential problems or dangers that could be on a road ahead. That’s just reckless.
But when you are worrying, it’s like you are running in pace — you are certainly not going anywhere.
In the case of my mother, there is no need for my sisters and I to get consumed by possible things that could go awry. My Mom is no damsel in distress — she is smart, capable, been around the block a few times, and has plenty people around her to support her should she need assistance. Sure she will have some new feelings, emotions and experiences come her way that she will have to figure out, but she is not in any danger.
The fact is, we can still deeply care about people, show empathy and hope for the best for them without having to worry.
And that’s what I am doing with my Mom. It’s probably best way I can show confidence and support for her as she embarks on this latest chapter.
One last post script from last week…if you were moved by the story I shared in any way, I urge you do something you may not expect: consider showing support for a local hospice care organization.
We hear a lot about the importance of research to eliminate disease, but the nurses, caregivers and social workers who patiently and respectfully dedicate their efforts to making people (our loved ones) comfortable during the final, often the most difficult and painful, days of their journey here on Earth really are remarkable.
I know most of us don’t like to think about the process of death and dying, but shouldn’t everyone deserve to be treated with the utmost dignity and care during this time?
Thanks again for the kind words, Friends.
XOXO
Dave
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