Friends of Dave #73: Pomp & Circumstance

May 19, 2018

It's Commencement time. Here's the speech grads should really be getting...

Members of the Class of 2018....I know, some of you are sitting there texting each other "WTF?" You may already be feeling shafted because you are stuck getting a commencement speech from what some of you may feel is an ordinary guy and not someone famous like Oprah, Jake Tapper, Will Ferrell or Michael Keaton. First, let's be real -- what have you really done to deserve such an address? Let me also remind you that there was a time when Bill Cosby was the person everyone wanted at their Commencement...now 98 Degrees isn't just the name of a 90s boy band, but it's also the amount of honorary doctorates he's had revoked.

Folks, life is not always going to give you what you feel you deserve. What can I say? Sometimes when you really want a spicy breakfast burrito you get oatmeal instead. Today, is one of those days. Consider it the first of many yet to come. Trust me, it won't kill you.

You see, despite growing up in a time when a kid simply taking a selfie with Justin Timberlake at the Super Bowl or bagging items at a Target can warrant a guest spot on Ellen a few days later, there is nothing you have done at this point to get the World to really take notice of you. No one cares about the number of followers you have, likes you have gotten, who you are connected to on LinkedIn or trophies you have accumulated at home. While your talents may be unique, I have a plot twist for you that's been about two decades in the making: you are not special.

And most of you will never be special. Yeah, I said it. Sure, your families, loved ones, and maybe Mister Rogers might tell you that you are special, but not to the rest of the World. The World owes you nothing. You are most likely destined to live an ordinary life. One that is filled with ups and downs, successes and failures, arguments and celebrations, pay raises and job changes, disappointments and surprises like the millions of other human beings that came before you and the millions that will likely follow. Harsh, I know, but I assure you that life will offer few safe spaces when you are triggered so you better get used to it now.

So, game over? You did all of this just to live a boring, anonymous existence? No way! If special is off the table, let's shoot for something a bit more realistic: strive to be extraordinary every chance you get.

Let's parse the key words here for a second:

Strive = make great efforts to achieve or obtain something, struggle or fight vigorously
Extraordinary = very unusual or remarkable, memorable, impressive

I will warn you: striving to be extraordinary comes with no guarantees that it will actually happen. It is not a right bestowed upon you simply because you want it, you show up or Kim Kardashian retweets you. You need to be willing to make an effort, and often struggle, to earn the right to be truly remarkable or memorable. Every day. For a long period of time. Just to be more than ordinary.

How does one come close to becoming more than ordinary? Here are a few simple steps you can take that will help you stand out from others:

Do Your Job: do what you are expected to do, not what you think will get you noticed or more attention
Be Consistent: do your job well, over and over and over again
Play the Long Game: instant gratification or notoriety is fleeting -- it takes time, dedication and thought to be more than a one hit wonder
Listen More, Talk Less: people are generally attracted to curiosity and tune out verbosity
Take Fearless Accountability: own both your successes and failures equally, without thinking about how it will make you look
Keep Things Deep and Simple: far more essential than shallow and complex
Be Humble: remind yourself often that in the big scheme of things YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL

Finally, when you go to start your career, I want you to remember this acronym: DBDB. It stands for "Don't Be a D-Bag". In addition to doing the things I mentioned before, the memorable people you encounter are the ones that show respect, kindness and exhibit empathy toward others equally throughout their career, regardless of the title they hold. They are the ones that seem to find time to answer their own phone, are never so "swamped" that they can't return messages, and do not let their success get to their heads. The world has plenty of financially successful people that also happen to be d-bags. The successful people that are extraordinary do not fall into this category.

So there you have it, Class of 2018. Forget about trying to be special. Accept and appreciate being ordinary because you are not above it. And if you can muster it, strive to be extraordinary every day for a long time. DBDB. You might just be rewarded with a lifetime full of memorable accomplishments, moments, experiences and people. That, my friends, would be truly remarkable.

Longer preamble = only a few articles this week. Enjoy and have a great weekend.

XOXO

Dave

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