And now, a loose transcript of a call I had with my mother this week.....Caught up with my 70-something year old mother this week. And this is how the conversation with the Mom of Dave pretty much went....Me: So how are you and Dad doing with the social distancing?Mom of Dave: Well, we have decided that all of the self-quarantining here in Arizona (where they live during the winter) is getting a little stressful. You know the temperature is climbing into the triple digits here now....Me: But Mom, isn't the point for you to stay home and not go anywhere? You do have air conditioning. It's only for a few more weeks.MoD: Yes, but you know how much your father loves his power walks. And me with my hammer toe....I can't keep up....so now it is so damn hot, I won't go at all and he is miserable not being able to take his walks...All we basically have is our wine, Ozark on Netflix and the damn heat.....I don't think you understand, the two of us stuck in inside are going a little stir crazy here.Me: Yeah we have 6 in our house, so I can only imagine.....But you are both doing okay, right? We're still on lockdown here in the Northeast. You are probably better down there anyway.MoD: Oh, I didn't tell you? We're flying back this Friday (they live in Rhode Island). Direct flight to Boston and then having Vinnie (ice cream salesman by day, livery driver by night) pick us up and drive us home. Don't worry, we trust him. He has a very clean car.Me: I'm sure he does. But Mom, do you really think sitting in an enclosed tube for 4+ hours is a good idea right now? You know the airlines aren't requiring anyone to wear masks and Dad has asthma.MoD: We already thought of that. Your father worked some magic and got us two seats six feet apart in the bulkhead row. He said no one would want to sit between us. And we have masks. Just cut up a few of my bras...it was easy. I'll text you a picture. Me: Please don't.....MoD: See for yourself. They fit perfectly....you can't tell but your father was smiling in that one....don't worry it will be fine.Me: Uh, after that visual, I'm not sure that I will be fine....MoD: Look, your father misses his power walks and his wood working. At least in Rhode Island he can do that and not sweat his balls off....and I have some gardening to do and I have my hammer toe surgery scheduled on May 19th. Me: Are you sure they are still doing that though? Isn't that an elective surgery?MoD: Yes but doctors got to eat too, right? And it is really important I get it done now so I can recover over the summer. Remember I've got those tickets to see Hugh Jackman in Music Man on Broadway in October....I can't use one of those foot scooter things to get around NYC....I don't care what that little Fauci says...this is a critical time...I've got a short window of opportunity....Me: There's a good chance that both the surgery and the show might be canceled Mom.MoD: We'll see...by the way, did you guys watch.....wait, what was it called....oh, yeah Coffee and Kareem on The Netflix? Me: I don't think so....Is Hugh Jackman in it?MoD: No, but trust me. Not as good as The Ozark, but very funny. Not a kids show though. Very inappropriate humor....think 48 Hours meets Kindergarten Cop....your father hasn't laughed that hard in a long time...Me: We'll have to check it out....MoD: And what's with all the mindfulness crap in your newsletter lately? Don't you think there's a little too much of that? You're not becoming a hippie are you? Me: It's a pretty stressful time for people now. I think it's something a lot of us haven't considered in the past and I just want to help.MoD: You should write about Tom Brady leaving the Patriots and now all of his fans are going to have their wedding receptions in the parking lots of Waffle Houses in Florida (NOTE: I'm pretty sure this is word for word what she said). That would be more interesting, wouldn't it?Me: We'll see....MoD: And that video you did.....the pound sign Relax Day thing.....David, really? What was that all about? Me: I was trying something different....I took a risk. People told me they liked it....in fact, I just got another email about it while we were talking (TRUTH).MoD: I don't know....seemed a little kooky if you ask me....Me: Yeah, well, I happen to know a Hugh Jackman fan willing to board a plane during a global pandemic and then wear a bra on their face for almost 5 hours so Dad and his private parts can comfortably take a power walk...MoD: I'm telling you it's the triple digit heat...the staying inside makes us both so anxious.Me: Here's a thought: maybe you should try some simple meditation....MoD: I'll call you when we land on Friday....Me: Ok Boomer.Wow, is it May already? And, randomly, there is another pressing question that no one seems to be asking right now: What did Grace in Boston's husband know back in December and when did he know it?XOXODave
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FoD #176: ok boomer
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And now, a loose transcript of a call I had with my mother this week.....Caught up with my 70-something year old mother this week. And this is how the conversation with the Mom of Dave pretty much went....Me: So how are you and Dad doing with the social distancing?Mom of Dave: Well, we have decided that all of the self-quarantining here in Arizona (where they live during the winter) is getting a little stressful. You know the temperature is climbing into the triple digits here now....Me: But Mom, isn't the point for you to stay home and not go anywhere? You do have air conditioning. It's only for a few more weeks.MoD: Yes, but you know how much your father loves his power walks. And me with my hammer toe....I can't keep up....so now it is so damn hot, I won't go at all and he is miserable not being able to take his walks...All we basically have is our wine, Ozark on Netflix and the damn heat.....I don't think you understand, the two of us stuck in inside are going a little stir crazy here.Me: Yeah we have 6 in our house, so I can only imagine.....But you are both doing okay, right? We're still on lockdown here in the Northeast. You are probably better down there anyway.MoD: Oh, I didn't tell you? We're flying back this Friday (they live in Rhode Island). Direct flight to Boston and then having Vinnie (ice cream salesman by day, livery driver by night) pick us up and drive us home. Don't worry, we trust him. He has a very clean car.Me: I'm sure he does. But Mom, do you really think sitting in an enclosed tube for 4+ hours is a good idea right now? You know the airlines aren't requiring anyone to wear masks and Dad has asthma.MoD: We already thought of that. Your father worked some magic and got us two seats six feet apart in the bulkhead row. He said no one would want to sit between us. And we have masks. Just cut up a few of my bras...it was easy. I'll text you a picture. Me: Please don't.....MoD: See for yourself. They fit perfectly....you can't tell but your father was smiling in that one....don't worry it will be fine.Me: Uh, after that visual, I'm not sure that I will be fine....MoD: Look, your father misses his power walks and his wood working. At least in Rhode Island he can do that and not sweat his balls off....and I have some gardening to do and I have my hammer toe surgery scheduled on May 19th. Me: Are you sure they are still doing that though? Isn't that an elective surgery?MoD: Yes but doctors got to eat too, right? And it is really important I get it done now so I can recover over the summer. Remember I've got those tickets to see Hugh Jackman in Music Man on Broadway in October....I can't use one of those foot scooter things to get around NYC....I don't care what that little Fauci says...this is a critical time...I've got a short window of opportunity....Me: There's a good chance that both the surgery and the show might be canceled Mom.MoD: We'll see...by the way, did you guys watch.....wait, what was it called....oh, yeah Coffee and Kareem on The Netflix? Me: I don't think so....Is Hugh Jackman in it?MoD: No, but trust me. Not as good as The Ozark, but very funny. Not a kids show though. Very inappropriate humor....think 48 Hours meets Kindergarten Cop....your father hasn't laughed that hard in a long time...Me: We'll have to check it out....MoD: And what's with all the mindfulness crap in your newsletter lately? Don't you think there's a little too much of that? You're not becoming a hippie are you? Me: It's a pretty stressful time for people now. I think it's something a lot of us haven't considered in the past and I just want to help.MoD: You should write about Tom Brady leaving the Patriots and now all of his fans are going to have their wedding receptions in the parking lots of Waffle Houses in Florida (NOTE: I'm pretty sure this is word for word what she said). That would be more interesting, wouldn't it?Me: We'll see....MoD: And that video you did.....the pound sign Relax Day thing.....David, really? What was that all about? Me: I was trying something different....I took a risk. People told me they liked it....in fact, I just got another email about it while we were talking (TRUTH).MoD: I don't know....seemed a little kooky if you ask me....Me: Yeah, well, I happen to know a Hugh Jackman fan willing to board a plane during a global pandemic and then wear a bra on their face for almost 5 hours so Dad and his private parts can comfortably take a power walk...MoD: I'm telling you it's the triple digit heat...the staying inside makes us both so anxious.Me: Here's a thought: maybe you should try some simple meditation....MoD: I'll call you when we land on Friday....Me: Ok Boomer.Wow, is it May already? And, randomly, there is another pressing question that no one seems to be asking right now: What did Grace in Boston's husband know back in December and when did he know it?XOXODave