Friends of Dave #164: Family Values
How codifying a set of values can create harmony for a group, even a family.
This past summer was interesting in our house: for the first time we had two adult aged children, a teenager, and a rising, impressionable 3rd grader all under one roof.
Let's just say that, after a few days of relative zen, this mix quickly devolved into a perfect storm of emotion, petty arguing, back talk, whining, tantrums, immaturity and obnoxiousness. And that was just the two oldest kids.....
In order to try to restore some harmony in our house, my wife and I decided we needed to take some extraordinary steps. We were a little concerned that the residual effect of some of the obnoxious behavior of the older ones would end up influencing the younger one. So we called a house meeting.
Dipping into the executive team building bag of tricks, we decided that, collectively, we should agree upon a written set of family values and rules to ensure a peaceful existence for all.
What initially seemed like it would be like pulling teeth turned into a surprisingly productive discussion. There was active participation and contribution by all. We talked about the behaviors each family member appreciated from one another, the things they didn't like, and what everyone felt was important to keep the peace.
After a few iterations, here's essentially what the group decided (with some subtle parental guidance) under the header "Everyone in this house pledges to":
-- Keep things simple.
-- Take accountability for their own actions.
-- Show empathy, love and gratitude towards one another often.
And we finished it with "By doing so we strive to":
-- Set a positive example for ourselves and others.
-- Foster a kind, healthy, nurturing and respectful environment.
-- Maintain tranquil, calm and harmonious communication in our home.
That's it. And then we had each member of the family sign it -- asserting that they were onboard with what was discussed and supporting the spirit of the document. The finished, signed document was put on the wall in the kitchen.
Later we separately indicated to the oldest kids the importance of sticking to the ideals and maintaining decorum for the benefit of their youngest sibling as well.
Overall, we know our kids are good kids. And this may have seemed a bit over the top and unnecessary, but it had an immediate impact on the state of relations in our house. The bickering largely subsided, and suddenly there were a lot more "thank you's" and a lot less eye rolling.
And after 6 months, I am happy to report continued positive returns from the values exercise. The discussion and document is referenced as a reminder regularly by both kids and parents alike (as needed) and has continued to be a positive and lasting addition to the family structure. Most importantly: each person has a sense of ownership over what we created together.
The point: agreeing upon and writing down a set of ideals, principles and values can have a transformative effect on any group or organization -- particularly if there is authentic (not forced) buy in amongst the primary stakeholders. While they may not be perfect, self driving or rigid, codifying a set of values does create a structure and purpose that guides everyone, across all activities, towards desired outcomes.
So if your group or organization seems a bit disjointed or in a rut -- call your own "family meeting". Get a piece of paper or a whiteboard, and put together your own set of simple, concise, guiding principles. Get buy in and finalize them. And then post them as a reminder (on your walls and websites). If you take some time and put some thought into it, I guarantee you will see a quick return on your investment.
What do you think? Drop me a line with thoughts, questions or your own experiences doing this exercise. Also check out the selections below -- all winners.....even if they don't smell like a pair of crispy chicken flavored garden clogs....
XOXO
Dave
Think on This...
Getting Uncomfortable on Purpose
I thought this was a great read from a number of angles. First, if your discussion of why your company exists focuses on describing, rather than disrupting, what your company does, it’s probably not adding much value. Second, I think it is also an extremely worthwhile exercise to go through on a personal level. Make yourself uncomfortable and answer truthfully: what is it YOU do better than anyone else?
A Few For Your Day Job...
Why every executive needs a coach
Almost every serious athlete has a coach why not executives? Excellent food for thought here for anyone (not just CEOs) resisting it.
Buyer and seller success is achievable for those committed to an elevated service standard hyper-focused on buyer needs, personal relationships, and intelligent interactions.
Some interesting research from Accenture revealing a path to relationship growth driven by experiences that provide more personalized service. Check out the easily digestible full report too.
What Are the Most Crucial Product Marketing Activities?
Great piece highlighting the idea that the core pieces around proper sales training, alignment with product and feedback mechanisms need to be in place either before or very early as your team grows.
The 9 things I see CEOs and CMOs talking about in 2020
Another awesome article by Friend of Dave Erica Seidel (who, btw, has recently launched an insightful series of podcasts if you are into that).
Some of the best takeaways from this article:
The best CMOs don’t just talk about collaborating; they actually collaborate to the point of discomfort.
Chief marketers at businesses under private equity ownership “learn to speak PE.”
Your Weekly Dose of Randomness...
KFC teamed up with Crocs to make some seriously weird shoes — mashable.com
I can't help but wonder if the Colonel would wear them.....
10 Restrooms You Need to Visit Before You Die You gotta go, even if you don't have to go.
Hand Dryers Spread Bacteria So Dramatically That Scientists Think They're A Public Health Threat
So basically, after you visit the 10 restrooms, they are saying DO NOT use the hand dryers....
Treadmills Were Meant to Be Atonement Machines
Apparently not for these people.....for them, treadmills one thing: dancing...
And The Last Word....
A Call to Revive the Love Letter — www.thelily.com
"You ticked me off and I said unkind things to you. I provoked you and went on provoking and could not stop myself. … I vowed I would never see you again, but I cannot keep my vow. Albeit I come back to my love for you."
In honor of Valentine's Day having just recently passed, here's a quick, fun guide on how to effectively revive the art form of love letter writing. Enjoy.