What Do You Need?One of my favorite comedy movies of all time (and if you have been a long time reader here you may already know this) is The Jerk. By the way, I should also mention that a close second in my book, hands down and way underrated, is The In-Laws. Who knew 1979 would be the golden age of stupid comedies?Toward the end of The Jerk, Steve Martin goes on a silly rant listing all of the things he needs to be happy. It begins with him declaring he doesn't need anything, and ends with him walking down the street with a bunch of random things that include an ashtray, a paddle ball game, a lamp and a chair....It's one of those quotable scenes that fans know and love.Not surprisingly, as a fan myself, over the course of my career I have found myself quoting this scene with the people who work with me at one time or another.The intent is pure silliness, but there is more serious message here too:What do you need to be happy or successful?It's a question we seldom stop to think about -- and yet, it is probably one of the single most important and fundamental things for us to know about ourselves.And it is not simple concept for us to comprehend, as it can seemingly change as circumstances in our lives change. Sometimes we may think we just need some peace and quiet. Sometimes it is a few extra dollars in our pocket. Maybe it's to be surrounded by family. Perhaps it's a week away at the beach. Or maybe we just need someone to give us a helping hand.Interestingly, these are things that come to mind that we think will satisfy us in that moment (like an ashtray, a paddle ball game, a lamp and a chair). But for us to really understand what we need, we need to dig a little deeper.What do you REALLY need to be happy or successful?What also got me thinking about this was a conversation I was having with a colleague about leadership. He mentioned that he once had a boss at a previous company that used to make it a point to come in early to make sure coffee was made for the team everyday. It's not that the act of making the coffee that was important, notable nor most valued. While a nice thing to do, on any given day the act of doing so may or may not satisfy the need on the surface. Instead what my colleague realized was that he and those around him most appreciated that a leader was going out of their way to take care of the team and to make them comfortable and supported. It's a good lesson for everyone: as a leader, it seems that the ideal thing may not be falling into the trap of asking "How can I help?" (which, when you think of it, is really more about satisfying their own need to want to appear to be helpful) but understanding the more important question -- "What do you need?"Getting someone to just think about and articulate what it is that they need to be happy or successful (and not just in the moment, but on a more fundamental level) might be the best way to help them. And it makes you a more valuable and supportive resource to them over the long haul.Now if they come back and say that they want you to pick out a thermos for them, that's when I would absolutely call BS....Some good articles below -- be sure to check out this week's Last Word if you are among those who once or currently own a Bose Wave Radio.Have a great weekend!XOXODave