WARNING: for those easily triggered, skip this one or go straight to the articles.Okay, Friends -- summer is almost over. I was going to save this rant until after Labor Day, but I just couldn't. This has been festering for quite some time, and in an effort to hold on loosely, I feel the need to share now. Let the record show that I have both warned you and I am apologizing in advance for what I am about to unleash.Question: what could be more vexing than Millennials in the workplace?Answer: Millennials having kids.Yes, one of the most narcissistic and entitled generations the world has ever produced is now beginning to have offspring. For those Friends that are fortunate to be parents, you may remember what it was like to have children for the first time. The baby showers, the registries, the intense debate about the pros and cons of a Diaper Genie.....OMG, just thinking about it, I literally can't even.So what does the generation that had essentially been pushed around in a stroller for upwards of 18+ years do when they have kids? To best protect their super special bundles of joy (and seemingly to draw the most attention possible), they appear to be purchasing the largest strollers money can buy. I mean, if you haven't noticed before you read this, I'm telling this so you get woke. We're talking Humvee strollers, Friends. You can hike with them. You can jog with them. You can climb the Seven Summits with them. And usually, from what I have observed, you can find them being pushed by oblivious Millennial Dads. What's the big deal you ask? Here you go: these monster strollers with their 24 inch, nobby run flat tires, dual venti frappucino sized cupholders and built-in parent/child selfie sticks were designed to be used OUTSIDE in the open. They were not built to be rolled into the crowded, post swimming lesson, YMCA pool locker room full of other punished Dad's weakly attempting to dry and change their easily distracted, waterlogged kindergarteners. They were not constructed to be used on quaint, narrow, uneven, Victorian era beach town sidewalks that are crowded with sunburnt families. Despite the cupholders, I'm fairly certain they were not put on the planet for you to follow your wife into that cute little beachside coffee shop and park it right front of the milk and sugar station. And I can almost bet that these Millennial Monster Strollers all come with a warning that they should never be brought into the arcades on that beach town's boardwalk. You know the ones that are full of harried parents chasing kids between the ages of 3 and 11 who are running around like they are hopped up on SweeTarts and Mountain Dew pleading to get "one more game" in before you take them home and where upwards of $75 is spent so said children can trade thousands of tickets for cheap prizes that break when they get packed in the car hours later. As far as I know, the only known indoor or crowded space that is approved for these strollers are a few select Walmarts in South Jersey. Nowhere else.I'm here to tell you firsthand that this is an under reported epidemic in 2017, Friends. It is not #fakenews. And we must resist. But we should not get angry -- education is what is needed. We must carefully explain to these new parents that while their Baby Rigs are "super rad" (almost trophy worthy), in close quarters they create disharmony not just for others, but more importantly, for their child. This disharmony could not only be transferred onto the parents in the form of dirty looks, it could easily cause their child to fall behind in school and, in turn, would make them bad parents. So the best remedy for them and their child: bond with the child on a physical and spiritual level by freeing them from the confines of the Gargantuan stroller and carrying them when in these types of situations (if the child in the stroller is over the age of 5, advise that it is okay, and that they should be safe walking). And what should they do if their child is sleeping? Hmm, that is quite a conundrum. Advise them that until 1985 in the US and even more recently in Denmark, sleeping children have been known to be left in strollers, unattended, outside of stores, restaurants and arcades for extended periods of time. It would be totes retro of them if they did the same. Rant over. I feel better. Keep on the look out for Millennial Dads and their Monster Strollers. In the meantime, I did find some time to include a few great stories this week for you. Take a look if you can.Have a great weekend.XOXODave
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Friends of Dave #35: My End of Summer Rant
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WARNING: for those easily triggered, skip this one or go straight to the articles.Okay, Friends -- summer is almost over. I was going to save this rant until after Labor Day, but I just couldn't. This has been festering for quite some time, and in an effort to hold on loosely, I feel the need to share now. Let the record show that I have both warned you and I am apologizing in advance for what I am about to unleash.Question: what could be more vexing than Millennials in the workplace?Answer: Millennials having kids.Yes, one of the most narcissistic and entitled generations the world has ever produced is now beginning to have offspring. For those Friends that are fortunate to be parents, you may remember what it was like to have children for the first time. The baby showers, the registries, the intense debate about the pros and cons of a Diaper Genie.....OMG, just thinking about it, I literally can't even.So what does the generation that had essentially been pushed around in a stroller for upwards of 18+ years do when they have kids? To best protect their super special bundles of joy (and seemingly to draw the most attention possible), they appear to be purchasing the largest strollers money can buy. I mean, if you haven't noticed before you read this, I'm telling this so you get woke. We're talking Humvee strollers, Friends. You can hike with them. You can jog with them. You can climb the Seven Summits with them. And usually, from what I have observed, you can find them being pushed by oblivious Millennial Dads. What's the big deal you ask? Here you go: these monster strollers with their 24 inch, nobby run flat tires, dual venti frappucino sized cupholders and built-in parent/child selfie sticks were designed to be used OUTSIDE in the open. They were not built to be rolled into the crowded, post swimming lesson, YMCA pool locker room full of other punished Dad's weakly attempting to dry and change their easily distracted, waterlogged kindergarteners. They were not constructed to be used on quaint, narrow, uneven, Victorian era beach town sidewalks that are crowded with sunburnt families. Despite the cupholders, I'm fairly certain they were not put on the planet for you to follow your wife into that cute little beachside coffee shop and park it right front of the milk and sugar station. And I can almost bet that these Millennial Monster Strollers all come with a warning that they should never be brought into the arcades on that beach town's boardwalk. You know the ones that are full of harried parents chasing kids between the ages of 3 and 11 who are running around like they are hopped up on SweeTarts and Mountain Dew pleading to get "one more game" in before you take them home and where upwards of $75 is spent so said children can trade thousands of tickets for cheap prizes that break when they get packed in the car hours later. As far as I know, the only known indoor or crowded space that is approved for these strollers are a few select Walmarts in South Jersey. Nowhere else.I'm here to tell you firsthand that this is an under reported epidemic in 2017, Friends. It is not #fakenews. And we must resist. But we should not get angry -- education is what is needed. We must carefully explain to these new parents that while their Baby Rigs are "super rad" (almost trophy worthy), in close quarters they create disharmony not just for others, but more importantly, for their child. This disharmony could not only be transferred onto the parents in the form of dirty looks, it could easily cause their child to fall behind in school and, in turn, would make them bad parents. So the best remedy for them and their child: bond with the child on a physical and spiritual level by freeing them from the confines of the Gargantuan stroller and carrying them when in these types of situations (if the child in the stroller is over the age of 5, advise that it is okay, and that they should be safe walking). And what should they do if their child is sleeping? Hmm, that is quite a conundrum. Advise them that until 1985 in the US and even more recently in Denmark, sleeping children have been known to be left in strollers, unattended, outside of stores, restaurants and arcades for extended periods of time. It would be totes retro of them if they did the same. Rant over. I feel better. Keep on the look out for Millennial Dads and their Monster Strollers. In the meantime, I did find some time to include a few great stories this week for you. Take a look if you can.Have a great weekend.XOXODave