Friends of Dave #355: tonic immobility 😵🐸😵💫
Why do we convince ourselves things suck when they are actually going well?
As I have said before, inspiration for these preambles comes from many different, unexpected directions….
A few weeks ago I took some time to catch up with someone in my network and chat about how things were going for them at their job. My connection has been with the same company for over 5 years, having originally arrived there through acquisition of the startup with whom he had been on the executive team.
For those of you who have never been through it, a 5 year run at a larger company post acquisition after previously being at a startup is pretty good — and pretty rare. So many things need to align to make that happen.
Culture fit, career growth opportunities, compensation, stability of the company, ability to adapt to a new org structure and navigation of corporate red tape all can easily deter someone for staying that long (to be fair, the 18 months or so of COVID related disruption probably contributed, but I don’t think so much in this case).
My connection and I started discussing the recent performance of his parent company and the business unit where he resides. It has experienced impressive, off the charts growth (this past year in particular) throughout the 5+ years he has been there post his previous company’s acquisition.
They have an awesome product and loyal customers. His role and influence has expanded there and he is looking to add to his team in the coming year. The stock price is doing great, having been largely unaffected by the slowdown earlier this year. The business unit structure has remained largely in tact, no major layoffs have occurred, they have solid, stable upper management and people genuinely seem to enjoy working with each other and have a positive vibe about the parent company.
The conversation then pivoted.
For the following 30 minutes solid, I got an earful about internal politics that was happening, ongoing known complacency amongst various, long tenured members of the team, the competition of egos of the management team, the attitudes, the dysfunction and uncertainty in the long term vision at the company, the drama of planned reorganizations due to the growth…..it was a laundry list of all of the things that sucked about working at that place.
After letting him vent, I started to laugh.
I couldn’t help but think to myself, “That was me about 20 years ago.”
I spent the first 11+ years of my career at an awesome company that was growing like gang busters the entire time (and, by all accounts, still is). I had experienced success there, made friends there, saw my career grow there. We had an industry changing product that clients absolutely loved. But none of it was enough. I somehow got bogged down by all of the things that sucked about the organization and got impatient with the politics and all of the disruption and change that was happening, so I decided to leave.
I spent the better part of the next 20 years of my career journey chasing the same kind of experience at the organizations where I worked — often getting hired with the aspiration that I could recapture the lightning in a bottle that I witnessed at my first workplace.
At each startup or turnaround situation I would find small combinations of what made the first place great (some great people, maybe a great product, some good wins), but never the whole package. They were never as good as the first place that I had convinced myself sucked so much.
My career experienced a lot of grinding for periods after that initial stint, for sure. While I don’t regret the decisions I made, the experiences I had, or the lessons I learned, it certainly was no easy road.
My connection, seeing me cracking up, ended his diatribe with a nervous chuckle and asked me why I was laughing.
“Dude, don’t you think you may be taking it all for granted? Just a little?” I said looking straight into the lens of the camera sitting atop my monitor, which may or may not have also been a portal back to 2003.
He sat there stunned. I continued.
“Do you know how many people would KILL for the type of run you have been on and what you have right now?” My hand emphatically going up to show him I was counting myself in that group.
This guy is working at a great company, having a ton of success, with little threat of losing his job and, despite the unbelievable streak of luck and winning, he is only focused on the things that suck.
Don’t we all do that, though? Maybe it is with our own careers, or our relationships, or the choices we made in our lives. Why do we do that? Why can’t we see the good fortune when we have it?
Why do we convince ourselves that things suck when they are actually going well?
I don’t know, maybe, as I wrote about a few weeks ago, it’s because we are all just bored and need to find ways to make our lives more interesting.
Whatever it is, I do know this: manifesting things that suck about your life when things are actually going well is probably not helping you.
Look, we all have set backs. Jobs can suck. Companies can suck. Relationships with our partners or our kids or friends and family can suck. Our lives can feel like they suck. Sometimes they legit DO SUCK. Life is not always filled with winning streaks, career promotions and rising stock prices.
But it doesn’t have to be for things to be good.
Sometimes you just need to stop the ruminating, stop the bitching, forget about the things you don’t have or you are not getting and take stock in what is there. I’m not necessarily talking about the material things either.
Be grateful for what you have — because I’ll bet you that there is someone else walking the planet that would definitely KILL for it.
And here’s a little secret, Friends….after all of that, you know those things about your life that you still think suck (especially the small annoying things that can take up so much of your brain space)?
You can usually change them if needed.
That’s right — with a little strategic planning, thought, work, communication, empathy and/or patience I believe you can gradually eliminate the suck from your life if you want. I don’t mean go on some long winding journey to chase something like I did. I mean you can be intentional in choosing to not allow the things that suck be a persistent issue for you.
The bigger question is — do you want to?
Back to my conversation…..
So after allowing a few seconds of awkward silence after my last question, I lowered my raised hand.
My connection, getting the point, sheepishly apologized for the complaining and thanked me for my candor.
“That’s why I like talking to you, Dave,” he said. “You gave it to me straight and made me see a perspective I hadn’t considered. I guess, when I think about it, I have been taking all of this for granted.”
With that, it was time to wrap up the call. There really wasn’t much more to say. All I could do is look back into the camera and smile.
XOXO
Dave
And now a few things to make you smarter…
Given the rapid growth of emerging economies, and the opportunities this may present to investors, it raises the question: does investment exposure abroad come with risk, and how can that risk be analyzed?
To help answer this question, this graphic shows country risk around the world, based on analysis from Aswath Damodaran at New York University’s Stern School of Business.
“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”
What most people don’t know is that it can be a powerful lens for getting what you want, simplifying relationships, and improving your life.
Interesting, and possibly related, side note: this story was forwarded to me by my wife…….
Next time you spot a frog that appears to be dead, it could just be the female amphibian faking their own death to dodge mating, a study in Royal Society Open Science found.
There are many avenues to find meaning through work. The way I see it is that whether you’re making a contribution to society is just one way to measure the value of work.
Researchers continue to debate whether some jobs are inherently bulls*t – but all agree it’s harmful to see your job this way. As we have talked about here before, people need to feel like what they do matters.