WARNING: This preamble is going to venture into some sensitive territory. As I point out in the subject line, the intro this week covers my thoughts on the topic of privilege -- one that we have been discussing quite a bit in our house over the past few weeks. While not inherently political, what I am sharing is definitely adjacent to some things happening in our current politically charged environment. This is a bit long, so I encourage you to skip to the links now if you are uninterested or just worn out from all of this kind of talk -- it's been on my mind so I felt now was the time to share.Unless you have been living under a rock, it's been hard to completely escape the turmoil that has been swirling around the current Supreme Court opening and nomination. I'm sure that depending upon the filter bubble in which you primarily reside, you have an opinion on it. I'm not going to delve into who's right or wrong, or campaign for a certain point of view here. We're Friends and I would like for us to stay Friends.If you have been paying attention to the proceedings, no doubt you may have seen the impassioned testimonies of the main players, including Judge Brett Kavanaugh. I know my teenagers did, and they had their own interpretations of what they watched and discussed in their social studies classes at school over the past few weeks. So as a result, we found ourselves having some conversations about it around the dinner table.One interesting thread was Judge Kavanaugh's testimony when he talked about getting "into Yale Law School....I had no connections there....I got there by busting my tail." As our dinner table conversation unfolded, the topic of privilege came up and my wife and I had to think long and hard about our point of view and how to discuss this with our kids.The fact is, the majority of us have been the beneficiaries of some sort of privilege at one time or another. To deny its existence would be irresponsible. We should also acknowledge that our privileges can yield both distinct and inferred advantages over others -- sometimes unfairly. Many privileges, of course, are rightfully earned through hard work. However a lot of us are fortunate to accumulate a multitude of advantages over our lifetime just by mere chance and not by our own doing or effort. That also is a fact.In my opinion, despite what we might like to tell ourselves, people do receive preferential treatment or privilege based on classifications such as their gender, race, socio-economic status and their level of education (which I know is tied to economic status, but is not necessarily a subset) at the very least. I'm sure there are others (for example, like sexual orientation, which could be tied to gender), but I personally view these as top of the pyramid. I believe humans also inherently assign a "preferred" status to each classification -- if you belong to that preferred or dominant status (and remember, sometimes you belong simply due to whom you were born or the zip code where you were born), you are given extra privileges. I'm not saying this is right or I agree with it -- I just see it as the reality. Those extra privileges absolutely give you a leg up on others, can get you the "pass" or benefit of the doubt when others cannot, and they can be compounded over generations as well. For example, it should come as no surprise that if you come from college educated parents you are more likely to complete a college education yourself. Similarly, if you are raised by wealthy parents, your chances of obtaining wealth is statistically greater. Surveying my own draw, I would have to say that I have been fortunate to have many privileges in my life. I was born the oldest son to college educated parents who were able to provide me and my sisters a relatively safe, suburban upbringing and with access to resources and quality education. My biggest concerns when I was in high school were to get good grades and make curfew. As a young man, I never had to worry about what would happen to me if I had too much to drink when I went out on a date. After graduating from a great university with a strong alumni base (to which I too "had no connections" outside of a high school guidance counselor who happened to go there), I went on to work in white collar office jobs for over 25 years, "busting my tail," providing well for my family and never feeling that I made less money in a position that I held nor was marginalized because of my gender. When I walk into a meeting or boardroom I generally see others who look like me or share a similar background to me at the table, particularly at the head. I am usually able to speak my mind when I want and know that people will usually listen (okay, aside from my kids...). I have also never had to worry about being stopped by police other than when I was speeding. I commuted daily into NYC for over 10 years post 9/11 and not once was pulled aside by transit police during rush hour to show the contents of my briefcase nor to be frisked. My children have also had the fortune of being provided a relatively safe, suburban upbringing and with access to resources and quality education. For the most part, as a white male who was raised by college educated parents and who went on to matriculate from an excellent university and has enjoyed a successful business career, I have experienced a pretty comfortable, privileged existence. No, it hasn't always been easy for me. I've worked to overcome obstacles and challenges and many of the privileges I have received have definitely been earned. But, if I am being totally honest, the majority of my privilege has either been the result of simple dumb luck or from being given the opportunity to take advantage of a good head start. This is the hand I have been dealt, and I guess I should not be faulted for playing it the best I can. While I do not apologize for any of it, I cannot deny it.What struck me when I witnessed Judge Kavanaugh testify and answer questions from members of the Senate was privilege on full display. To be clear, this point alone should have little bearing on his fitness for appointment. I do not believe he should be punished nor have to apologize for the privileges he may have legitimately earned, had the fortune to have been given in his past or even those that were afforded to him during his testimony. But I certainly would have felt a lot better if he had shown the courage to acknowledge them when he had the nation's attention. From what I can see, Judge Kavanaugh has experienced a pretty comfortable and privileged existence as well.We used this as an opportunity to educate our kids about the privileges that they have that others do not. We highlighted that it is important to understand, acknowledge, and appreciate the advantages they are given throughout their lives. We also pointed out that certain privileges that were once socially acceptable are now no longer the case -- where you once may have once gotten a "pass", today you will not. While some might view this as unfair, in my view it is progress.I challenged my kids to think about this: will you choose to primarily hoard your advantages for your own self gain and fuel a sense of entitlement, or will you have the courage to look for ways to leverage your privilege in order to help even the playing field for us all? Ultimately, I believe what we each do with our privilege defines who we are as individuals and as a civil society. And with that, you made it to the end, We are done! Check out the article in the "Last Word" if you would like to read more on this topic and drop me a line (dave@slingstonegroup.com) with your own thoughts. I'd love to hear them.Long intro and long weekend (for some) so I went easy on the links this week. We'll try to get back to a more balanced newsletter next week. In the meantime, enjoy your weekend. XOXODave
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Friends of Dave #93: Recognizing Privilege
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WARNING: This preamble is going to venture into some sensitive territory. As I point out in the subject line, the intro this week covers my thoughts on the topic of privilege -- one that we have been discussing quite a bit in our house over the past few weeks. While not inherently political, what I am sharing is definitely adjacent to some things happening in our current politically charged environment. This is a bit long, so I encourage you to skip to the links now if you are uninterested or just worn out from all of this kind of talk -- it's been on my mind so I felt now was the time to share.Unless you have been living under a rock, it's been hard to completely escape the turmoil that has been swirling around the current Supreme Court opening and nomination. I'm sure that depending upon the filter bubble in which you primarily reside, you have an opinion on it. I'm not going to delve into who's right or wrong, or campaign for a certain point of view here. We're Friends and I would like for us to stay Friends.If you have been paying attention to the proceedings, no doubt you may have seen the impassioned testimonies of the main players, including Judge Brett Kavanaugh. I know my teenagers did, and they had their own interpretations of what they watched and discussed in their social studies classes at school over the past few weeks. So as a result, we found ourselves having some conversations about it around the dinner table.One interesting thread was Judge Kavanaugh's testimony when he talked about getting "into Yale Law School....I had no connections there....I got there by busting my tail." As our dinner table conversation unfolded, the topic of privilege came up and my wife and I had to think long and hard about our point of view and how to discuss this with our kids.The fact is, the majority of us have been the beneficiaries of some sort of privilege at one time or another. To deny its existence would be irresponsible. We should also acknowledge that our privileges can yield both distinct and inferred advantages over others -- sometimes unfairly. Many privileges, of course, are rightfully earned through hard work. However a lot of us are fortunate to accumulate a multitude of advantages over our lifetime just by mere chance and not by our own doing or effort. That also is a fact.In my opinion, despite what we might like to tell ourselves, people do receive preferential treatment or privilege based on classifications such as their gender, race, socio-economic status and their level of education (which I know is tied to economic status, but is not necessarily a subset) at the very least. I'm sure there are others (for example, like sexual orientation, which could be tied to gender), but I personally view these as top of the pyramid. I believe humans also inherently assign a "preferred" status to each classification -- if you belong to that preferred or dominant status (and remember, sometimes you belong simply due to whom you were born or the zip code where you were born), you are given extra privileges. I'm not saying this is right or I agree with it -- I just see it as the reality. Those extra privileges absolutely give you a leg up on others, can get you the "pass" or benefit of the doubt when others cannot, and they can be compounded over generations as well. For example, it should come as no surprise that if you come from college educated parents you are more likely to complete a college education yourself. Similarly, if you are raised by wealthy parents, your chances of obtaining wealth is statistically greater. Surveying my own draw, I would have to say that I have been fortunate to have many privileges in my life. I was born the oldest son to college educated parents who were able to provide me and my sisters a relatively safe, suburban upbringing and with access to resources and quality education. My biggest concerns when I was in high school were to get good grades and make curfew. As a young man, I never had to worry about what would happen to me if I had too much to drink when I went out on a date. After graduating from a great university with a strong alumni base (to which I too "had no connections" outside of a high school guidance counselor who happened to go there), I went on to work in white collar office jobs for over 25 years, "busting my tail," providing well for my family and never feeling that I made less money in a position that I held nor was marginalized because of my gender. When I walk into a meeting or boardroom I generally see others who look like me or share a similar background to me at the table, particularly at the head. I am usually able to speak my mind when I want and know that people will usually listen (okay, aside from my kids...). I have also never had to worry about being stopped by police other than when I was speeding. I commuted daily into NYC for over 10 years post 9/11 and not once was pulled aside by transit police during rush hour to show the contents of my briefcase nor to be frisked. My children have also had the fortune of being provided a relatively safe, suburban upbringing and with access to resources and quality education. For the most part, as a white male who was raised by college educated parents and who went on to matriculate from an excellent university and has enjoyed a successful business career, I have experienced a pretty comfortable, privileged existence. No, it hasn't always been easy for me. I've worked to overcome obstacles and challenges and many of the privileges I have received have definitely been earned. But, if I am being totally honest, the majority of my privilege has either been the result of simple dumb luck or from being given the opportunity to take advantage of a good head start. This is the hand I have been dealt, and I guess I should not be faulted for playing it the best I can. While I do not apologize for any of it, I cannot deny it.What struck me when I witnessed Judge Kavanaugh testify and answer questions from members of the Senate was privilege on full display. To be clear, this point alone should have little bearing on his fitness for appointment. I do not believe he should be punished nor have to apologize for the privileges he may have legitimately earned, had the fortune to have been given in his past or even those that were afforded to him during his testimony. But I certainly would have felt a lot better if he had shown the courage to acknowledge them when he had the nation's attention. From what I can see, Judge Kavanaugh has experienced a pretty comfortable and privileged existence as well.We used this as an opportunity to educate our kids about the privileges that they have that others do not. We highlighted that it is important to understand, acknowledge, and appreciate the advantages they are given throughout their lives. We also pointed out that certain privileges that were once socially acceptable are now no longer the case -- where you once may have once gotten a "pass", today you will not. While some might view this as unfair, in my view it is progress.I challenged my kids to think about this: will you choose to primarily hoard your advantages for your own self gain and fuel a sense of entitlement, or will you have the courage to look for ways to leverage your privilege in order to help even the playing field for us all? Ultimately, I believe what we each do with our privilege defines who we are as individuals and as a civil society. And with that, you made it to the end, We are done! Check out the article in the "Last Word" if you would like to read more on this topic and drop me a line (dave@slingstonegroup.com) with your own thoughts. I'd love to hear them.Long intro and long weekend (for some) so I went easy on the links this week. We'll try to get back to a more balanced newsletter next week. In the meantime, enjoy your weekend. XOXODave