When does "trust me" get you the peck on the cheek? Everyone in a long term relationship has dealt with the following situation at least once over the course of their time together: couple is getting dressed to go out. One person tries on an outfit and asks the other the dreaded "How does this make me look? Does it make me look fat?" Now, when it is you on the receiving end of that query, it usually means you are in checkmate. No answer you give seems to be the right one -- if you nicely say it does, in fact, make your mate look fat, feelings might get hurt, even if you are trying to do the right thing. At worst....all hell will likely break loose. But if you reply, 'no, trust me, you look great!'...you may get a peck on the cheek and a 'thank you', but usually they dismiss it, and just change into another outfit anyway.What a dilemma: you were asked for your opinion, when really, your loved one didn't necessarily want to hear it. They really just wanted validation of their feelings of insecurity at that moment. This is par for the course when you are life partners with someone. Over time, you learn to gauge the person, the situation, you answer accordingly (which means sometimes, 'yeah, that might not be the most flattering outfit' is well received), and don't take any of it personally.So how do you handle it when this happens in business? When money is on the line? Let's say someone hires you for your expertise in order to specifically tackle a project, solve a problem, design a process, hire a team, be a change agent, deliver a result, leverage your domain knowledge, etc. You start to work together but all of a sudden it becomes clear -- they are dismissing your opinion. They don't want to leverage your expertise or care about your track record. They never really wanted your input (especially if it is radically different than theirs) -- turns out, they were simply feeling unsure about how to proceed and needed validation from someone else to make them feel better. Trust is critical to building a winning team, partnership or working relationship. It can be gained quickly if everyone is secure in their positions, are aware of their strengths and weaknesses, and sees a similar path to success. But if this is not the case, establishing trust in business can take time -- which, unfortunately, is not always a luxury when you are reaching to make a number, ship a product on deadline, or launch a business. So then you quickly learn to get on the same page, gauge situations, answer accordingly and not take things personally. Maybe then you get the peck on the cheek. Otherwise, you better cut bait -- quick before it gets ugly...I'd like to think we know each other well enough by now, Friends of Dave, that when I note an article is a "must read" or a "good one" that you get me. I picked out a bunch of them for you this week -- turns out the first three are long, but worth it if you have the time and interest. And definitely check out the Bloomberg Mall game at the end.....Trust me.XOXODave
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Friends of Dave #61: Trust Me
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When does "trust me" get you the peck on the cheek? Everyone in a long term relationship has dealt with the following situation at least once over the course of their time together: couple is getting dressed to go out. One person tries on an outfit and asks the other the dreaded "How does this make me look? Does it make me look fat?" Now, when it is you on the receiving end of that query, it usually means you are in checkmate. No answer you give seems to be the right one -- if you nicely say it does, in fact, make your mate look fat, feelings might get hurt, even if you are trying to do the right thing. At worst....all hell will likely break loose. But if you reply, 'no, trust me, you look great!'...you may get a peck on the cheek and a 'thank you', but usually they dismiss it, and just change into another outfit anyway.What a dilemma: you were asked for your opinion, when really, your loved one didn't necessarily want to hear it. They really just wanted validation of their feelings of insecurity at that moment. This is par for the course when you are life partners with someone. Over time, you learn to gauge the person, the situation, you answer accordingly (which means sometimes, 'yeah, that might not be the most flattering outfit' is well received), and don't take any of it personally.So how do you handle it when this happens in business? When money is on the line? Let's say someone hires you for your expertise in order to specifically tackle a project, solve a problem, design a process, hire a team, be a change agent, deliver a result, leverage your domain knowledge, etc. You start to work together but all of a sudden it becomes clear -- they are dismissing your opinion. They don't want to leverage your expertise or care about your track record. They never really wanted your input (especially if it is radically different than theirs) -- turns out, they were simply feeling unsure about how to proceed and needed validation from someone else to make them feel better. Trust is critical to building a winning team, partnership or working relationship. It can be gained quickly if everyone is secure in their positions, are aware of their strengths and weaknesses, and sees a similar path to success. But if this is not the case, establishing trust in business can take time -- which, unfortunately, is not always a luxury when you are reaching to make a number, ship a product on deadline, or launch a business. So then you quickly learn to get on the same page, gauge situations, answer accordingly and not take things personally. Maybe then you get the peck on the cheek. Otherwise, you better cut bait -- quick before it gets ugly...I'd like to think we know each other well enough by now, Friends of Dave, that when I note an article is a "must read" or a "good one" that you get me. I picked out a bunch of them for you this week -- turns out the first three are long, but worth it if you have the time and interest. And definitely check out the Bloomberg Mall game at the end.....Trust me.XOXODave