Rainy college tours can teach a lot about a decision making process.We just wrapped up college tour week for our second child this week. A lot of the parental excitement, anxieties and over involvement are behind us from the first go around. I am proud to say we managed to escape with minimal arguments, eye rolls, tantrums and no tears were shed (aside from audible sobs from parents during info sessions when they got to the slide highlighting tuition costs). Those who have gone through it know what I mean. Despite the good feels, the major damper this week was the weather. It was a cold, rainy, snowy and miserable week in New England. It would be one thing if it was winter, but it is now mid April -- almost exam time at most schools. Our visits were devoid of the typical highlights or moments that might help expose the character of each institution. We did not see one group of kids playing frisbee on a grassy quad. No blowing off steam with an intense game of quidditch (by the way, every school seems to mention this as a club "sport" unique to their institution). No bros in shorts. No girls wearing flip flops. The tours mostly consisted of brisk walks under cover from a golf umbrella or jacket hood from one building to another to get warm or dry -- not ideal for a kid with a big decision ahead of them in the coming year. For a water logged parent who has seen it and done it, it's easy to want to bail on these tours (most of which, you quickly learn, are pretty much carbon copies of each other but just in different locations) after maybe 20 minutes and retreat to the warm car. But for your wide eyed teenager, every single bit of it is new...and can be overwhelming on a lot of different levels. There is so much for them to consider, get excited about and to stress over. And while you know your kid and what kind of campus, academic program, and distance from home would be best for them, this ultimately is their experience. How do you constructively help them process everything and start to decide what they want to do with their lives?My wife and I are still nursing battle scars from the first time around. So before we went off on our first trip, we asked our son to do some research and prioritize what he thought were the most important attributes for him in a school. Didn't matter what they were -- obviously programs of study were key, but they could be as simple as wanting a school with a football team or traditional gothic buildings or no closer than 2 hours from home. We then had him come up with the list of schools he wanted to see this week based on his criteria. During tours we said very little to him -- we gave him space to absorb it all. When we were done, we grabbed a bite in one of the "award winning" dining halls at each institution and over a burger or pizza and we conversationally asked him questions (some leading questions, and some open ended ones) that made him think about his priorities in the context of what we saw. What surprised you about this school? What did you like most? What did you dislike? Most importantly, we exercised as much patience as we could muster to avoid giving our opinions -- honestly, at this point it didn't matter what we thought because we knew it would most likely be wrong...Over the week we could see some priorities shifting and others becoming more clear. We learned a city campus without gothic buildings was not so bad, but a road cutting through the middle of a more suburban campus was "super annoying". He admitted that his original "dream" school might not be as dreamy as he first thought. And he now has a better sense of what he needs to do to get into some of his favorite choices. No doubt there still is a journey ahead of us. Interests are invariably going to change and we all have a lot more to learn, but it was definitely a good start. As with any big decision that needs to be made, a bit of patience, trust, good communication, adaptability, and proper prioritization will go a long way to ensuring the best result. And if not....well, he can always transfer...Hope you like the selections below. I think those of you into music will especially appreciate the new/old Prince song -- take a listen if you can. Have a great weekend.XOXODave
Share this post
Friends of Dave #69: Decisions, Decisions
Share this post
Rainy college tours can teach a lot about a decision making process.We just wrapped up college tour week for our second child this week. A lot of the parental excitement, anxieties and over involvement are behind us from the first go around. I am proud to say we managed to escape with minimal arguments, eye rolls, tantrums and no tears were shed (aside from audible sobs from parents during info sessions when they got to the slide highlighting tuition costs). Those who have gone through it know what I mean. Despite the good feels, the major damper this week was the weather. It was a cold, rainy, snowy and miserable week in New England. It would be one thing if it was winter, but it is now mid April -- almost exam time at most schools. Our visits were devoid of the typical highlights or moments that might help expose the character of each institution. We did not see one group of kids playing frisbee on a grassy quad. No blowing off steam with an intense game of quidditch (by the way, every school seems to mention this as a club "sport" unique to their institution). No bros in shorts. No girls wearing flip flops. The tours mostly consisted of brisk walks under cover from a golf umbrella or jacket hood from one building to another to get warm or dry -- not ideal for a kid with a big decision ahead of them in the coming year. For a water logged parent who has seen it and done it, it's easy to want to bail on these tours (most of which, you quickly learn, are pretty much carbon copies of each other but just in different locations) after maybe 20 minutes and retreat to the warm car. But for your wide eyed teenager, every single bit of it is new...and can be overwhelming on a lot of different levels. There is so much for them to consider, get excited about and to stress over. And while you know your kid and what kind of campus, academic program, and distance from home would be best for them, this ultimately is their experience. How do you constructively help them process everything and start to decide what they want to do with their lives?My wife and I are still nursing battle scars from the first time around. So before we went off on our first trip, we asked our son to do some research and prioritize what he thought were the most important attributes for him in a school. Didn't matter what they were -- obviously programs of study were key, but they could be as simple as wanting a school with a football team or traditional gothic buildings or no closer than 2 hours from home. We then had him come up with the list of schools he wanted to see this week based on his criteria. During tours we said very little to him -- we gave him space to absorb it all. When we were done, we grabbed a bite in one of the "award winning" dining halls at each institution and over a burger or pizza and we conversationally asked him questions (some leading questions, and some open ended ones) that made him think about his priorities in the context of what we saw. What surprised you about this school? What did you like most? What did you dislike? Most importantly, we exercised as much patience as we could muster to avoid giving our opinions -- honestly, at this point it didn't matter what we thought because we knew it would most likely be wrong...Over the week we could see some priorities shifting and others becoming more clear. We learned a city campus without gothic buildings was not so bad, but a road cutting through the middle of a more suburban campus was "super annoying". He admitted that his original "dream" school might not be as dreamy as he first thought. And he now has a better sense of what he needs to do to get into some of his favorite choices. No doubt there still is a journey ahead of us. Interests are invariably going to change and we all have a lot more to learn, but it was definitely a good start. As with any big decision that needs to be made, a bit of patience, trust, good communication, adaptability, and proper prioritization will go a long way to ensuring the best result. And if not....well, he can always transfer...Hope you like the selections below. I think those of you into music will especially appreciate the new/old Prince song -- take a listen if you can. Have a great weekend.XOXODave